Friday Fictioneers is a flash fiction challenge which asks that we write a story in no more than 100 words from the photo prompt kindly provided by the host, Rochelle Wisoff Fields. To join in with the challenge, or find out more about it, just follow the link on the challenge title above.
Here is this week’s prompt, copyright Jennifer Pendergast . . .
and this is my story . . .
‘Take my hand,’ you say. ‘Come with me on a journey to the stars. We could reach the ends of the Universe, you and I; wonder at things hitherto unseen. No boundaries to hold us back.’
I smile up at your handsome face; the fire that burns in your eyes. You want me, it’s clear, though you hardly know me at all.
You reach out your hand, unfurl your fingers in a gesture of love. I recoil from the small white package so tenderly cradled mere moments ago. I shake my head and turn away from your proffered hand.
Word Count: 99
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82 thoughts on “Take My Hand – Friday Fictioneers”
Seems like a wise choice…This story read like a poem.
I agree, it was a very wise choice. And thank you for the nice comment. 🙂
I love the way you flip this story right over.
Cleverly done. Very sad.
Yes, it is a sad situation – one perhaps all too common. Thank you for the nice comment, MJ. 🙂
It amazes me as to how you can draw us in with just a few words Millie! Very nice.
Thank you for that lovely comment, Tony. It’s very kind of you to say that. 🙂
I agree! Don’t go with him!!!!
My feelings, exactly! Thank you. 🙂
She’s not going to be taken in so easily. Nice story!
Sensible girl. Thank you, Ali. 🙂
There are times when one simply has to take chance and i kind of feel sad that she didn’t! Anyways your story is really great! I loved it!
Thank you! 🙂 I suppose he could have been a nice guy but it was what he offered her that she didn’t like.
Thank you, Ane. I’m glad you liked my story. 🙂
I thought it was a great story and I particularly loved the ending. She was a smart girl! I would love to see the look on his face. 😀
Yes, she was a smart girl. You don’t get mixed up with men who have what he has on offer. Thank you, PJ. 🙂
That little white package says more than 100 words. Lovely.
Thank you, Alicia. That little white packge definitely needs shunning. 🙂
I agree – don’t go with him – good job! Nan
Thank you, Nan! 🙂 I would tell her not to touch him with a barge pole, to coin an old phrase. 🙂
I was reading your story, and then the last sentence hit me like a brick. Like the way you build up the story to the last sentence. That last sentence told it all. Good job!
Thank you for that great comment, Mike! I’m gald the ending worked well for you. 🙂
Clever girl. 🙂 A poetic touch, a story and a twist all in 99 words…Millie you are the master. 😀
What a fantastic comment, Norma. Thank you so much for that! 🙂
Perfect story. Your twist at the end was for the best. Boys/men like that are not that welcome
I fully agree. Men like that aren’t welcome anywhere. But I’m sure incidents like this are all too common. Thank you, Scapdo. 🙂
Some ladies can also be like that! 🙂
Very true! 🙂 I was just thinking in terms of my story.
The words you use produce great imagery and the story is fantastic. Great job!
Thank you for that great comment, Rachel. I wondered whether this story might be a bit too far ‘outside the box’. I just became fixated by the couplings – connections and reaching out to each other and so on. I’m glad it worked for you. 🙂
No, it was great. Love outside the box. Forgot to ask – was the white package an engagement ring or am I completely on the wrong track??
The white package was meant to be some kind of drug – some hallucinogenic one. I hoped to infer that in the opening couple of sentences about journeying to the stars. (I had the Beattles’ old song in my head here – ‘Lucy in the Sky with Diamonds’ – which was always understood to mean going on a ‘trip’.) Ah, well, I know people will interpret things in their own way and. as long as they can get something from the story, I’ll be happy. Thanks for asking, Rachel. 🙂
Ah yes, I get it now. Thanks for filling me in.
You’re very welcome.
She was wise enough not to go with him. I imagine she has a better without him. Possibly finding someone way better than him 😛 You did a brilliant job on writing this amazing story in 99 words only Millie! 🙂 🙂 🙂
Thank you for the lovely comment, Khloe. I definitely think the young woman in my story could find someone much better than a drug user/pusher. I know that wasn’t clear to everyone, so if you interpreted the story differently, that’s fine. 🙂
You’re welcome sweetie 😉 Thank you very much for explaining the story to me! 😉 As you know English isn’t my first language, so it’s always good when you explain it to me 😛
You’re very welcome. 🙂
Lovely. I agree with Ansumani – it reads like a poem. I wonder what was in the white package? Thanks for sharing. 🙂
I had missed the comment above! Sorry! For me, the story reads with some mystery, which is part of the its appeal. Well done.
Thank you so much, Carina. 🙂 I’m beginning to think I should have made that little white packet a bit clearer. I had intended it to be some kind of drugs – one that induced hallucinations. I’d hoped the reference to the journey to the stars would fit in with that. The young woman recoiling from it was intended to show her repugnance at the idea. I suppose, as it stands, it could be interpreted as something quite innocent. 🙂
I got the story, I don’t think you needed to clarify it. It was half-endearing and half-repulsive and very cleverly constructed.
Thank you, Sandra. I’d thought it would be clear to all, … 🙂
this proves again that timing is everything. obviously, she wasn’t ready.
The point of the story lies in the little white packet of drugs. I’d like to think she’d never be ready for those. But I do realise the story could be interpreted differently.
i guess it was the sweet nothings that distracted me. 🙂
A very well written story, and I think this line “unfurl your fingers in a gesture of love”, is wonderful.
Thank you, Francesca. I’ve always liked the word unfurl. It reminds me of leaves. 🙂
Well done. I was seduced until the end. I’m backing away slowly.
Be well and just say no to drugs,
A very important slogan, Tracey – and the message I wanted to convey in this story. I’m glad you ‘got’ it. 🙂
I think she knows something is not quite right. Good sensible, girl. Millie, this has such a nice lyrical feel to it. Nicely done.
I’m glad you liked the story, Amy. Thank you! 🙂
Definitely made the right choice!
So much more hinted at. Lyrical.
A great response to the prompt.
Thank you for that lovely comment, Phylor.
Aaahhhh…so romantic! 🙂
Thanks, Dawn! 🙂
Neatly done. Beautiful flow to the writing. I was intrigued to see what you were going to write from that picture. Nice one!
Thank you, Bekki! I almost wrote a story about the actual train, but preferred this one in the end. 🙂
It’s easy to be seduced by a handsome face, isn’t it? Glad she made the right choice and I’m glad you wrote such a good story.
Thank you for your lovely comment, Rochelle.
A clever story, Millie, and very well written. You had me thinking it was a story about burning passion and it ended up being something far more sordid. I’m glad she was wise enough to reject his offer.
A few people have thought it was a romantic story, Sarah, so I’m glad you ‘got’ the point I wanted to make. 🙂
You had me hooked! I actually leaned closer to the screen as I read. I’m glad she had the strength of will to refuse. Well done!
Thank you, Tiffany. I’m glad she was wise enough to refuse, too. 🙂
Ahhh … smart woman to reject. Her instincts cleverly saw right through that handsome face.
Very good story, Millie.
Very smart woman indeed. 🙂 Thank you Isadora.
Sometimes desire just isn’t enough. Nicely done.
Thank you for the nice comment, Erin. 🙂
I love where you took this story.. there are some trips that only goes one way.
Thank you, Bjorn 🙂 I definitely agree with you about the trips!
You left just enough of a hint for the ending to work powerfully. Great image of the unfurling hand and a sharp, quick turn-around at the end.
Thank you, Margaret. I’m glad the ending worked for you. 🙂
I also think she made a wise decision. He seems to be too much of a dreamer with no plans. Well written, Millie. Great description. 🙂 — Suzanne
Thank you, Suzanne. 🙂
This story is so lyrical! Beautiful story dear!
Thank you for liking it! 🙂
You’re very welcome 😀
Very moving and delicately captured in your words Millie. I loved it
Thank you for that lovely comment, Joycelin. It was one of those stories that was interpreted differently by several people. The white package wasn’t automatically seen as I had intended, but that’s OK. Flash fiction is like that. 🙂
Well initially I thought of two things but never mind – your story was great!
Reminds me of a boyfriend I had years ago who tried to convince me to take heroin.
I like the first ‘jar’ where something seems odd… where he wants her but hardly knows her. If that wasn’t there I think the twist wouldn’t work but it’s a fitting segway (sp??). Not easy, 100 words. It must be very satisfying to get it right!
Thank you Tink.It is a big challenge to write a story in 100 words, but definitely satisfying when you manage it! I’m not sure what segway means, but perhaps you were thinking os segue – which means continuation, I think? I’ll have to look both words up!
I hope your writing is progressing well and you’re getting closer to sending work off to a publisher. It’s probably best to aim for the traditional route – much more satisfying, in the end.