The Perfect Hotel – Flash Fiction for Aspiring Writers

Flash Fiction for for Aspiring Writers is a writing challenge, kindly hosted by Priceless Joy. The challenge asks us to write a piece of fiction from the photo prompt provided in around 100- 150 words – give or take 25 words. It encourages participants to comment, constructively, on other entries, so supporting each other’s writing. If you’d like to join in with this challenge, follow the link in the title of PJ’s, blog: Beautiful Words to see what to do. The challenge runs from Wednesday to Wednesday every week.

Here is this week’s prompt . . .

wpid-photo-20150317132956863

. . . and this is my story:

Marnie took in the building’s formidable exterior and shuddered. ‘Really think it’ll make a good hotel, hun? Looks kinda creepy to me.’

‘It’ll be perfect, Marn.’ Carson grinned at his glitzy wife; the thick fur coat, the diamonds dangling from her ears. ‘Spend a few bucks … and bingo!’

‘But those stories …?’

Carson shook his head, chuckling. ‘Punters’ll be queuing to stay in a joint where a headless dame walks the corridors.’

‘But the agent I met on the roof said–’

‘Which agent?’ Carson cut in.

‘The one dressed like Batman’s butler.’

‘Doll, we ain’t got no agent yet.’

‘Well, this guy said one story was true – some servant, wrongly accused of strangling a rich guest. They hung him, up on that roof.’

Carson’s gaze fixed on the gabled roof … and the dark figure glaring down at them.

‘Ghost-hunting weekends’ll be a blast, Marn.’

Word Count: 150

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If you’d like to view other entries, click here.

About milliethom

I am a reader and writer of historical fiction with a keen interest in the Earth's history and all it involves, both physically and socially. I like nothing better than to be outdoors, especially in faraway places, and baking is something I do when my eyes need respite from my computer screen.
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39 Responses to The Perfect Hotel – Flash Fiction for Aspiring Writers

  1. Susan Langer says:

    Great story Millie. I love ghost hunting weekends.

  2. John Yeo says:

    An excellent tale Millie ~ Carson and Marn are a very well-drawn pair of interesting characters ~ Ideal for running ghost-hunting weekends ~ A brilliant take on the prompt that is begging for more episodes ~

  3. Ooouueee, creepy! Love it! Ghost hunting weekends will probably be VERY successful. Seems people like that kind of stuff. Also sounds like they will need that money to keep Marn in the “finer things in life.” I really enjoyed your story Millie!

  4. Sonya says:

    Love this, Millie. Excellent dialogue – both in terms of characterisation and advancing the story. I hope the ghost butler will obey the new lord and lady of the manor…

    • milliethom says:

      I’m not sure the ghost butler’s going to take orders from anyone – but I could make a fun story about one who did! Thank you for liking the dialogue. 🙂

  5. TEG Diez says:

    Amazing! I got a sense of both characters, it was funny – how do you do it?

    • milliethom says:

      Thank you for that great comment! I love characters, and am very character driven in my own books. I love delving into people’s heads and seeing what makes them tick. Perhaps I should have become a psychiatrist! 🙂

  6. Lovely story! 🙂 But I’ll be sure to say away from this hotel… heheh! 😉

    • milliethom says:

      Well, it wuldn’t get 5 stars from me, that’s for sure. But it’s amazing how many people like to stay in haunted houses. I don’t believe in ghosts, but it’s still a creepy thought. 🙂 Thank you for liking it. 🙂

  7. I see you as another R.L. Stein!! with all these ghostly tales that are fun!!

  8. Tastyniblets says:

    Loved it Millie! Very lively and engaging dialogue- great job 🙂

  9. Reading these are always a pleasure.

  10. Cat says:

    Hi Millie… I love the opening, immediately it feels creepy. It looks a great location for a ghost hunting hotel.

  11. I found it creepy to read this story as I get scared very easily, but somehow it was getting really fun 🙂 You changed my perspevtives towards creepy stories. Thank you sweetie! ❤

  12. draliman says:

    Yoinks! Fun dialogue. I hope they can attract a steady stream of ghost hunters, because no-one else is going to want to stay there (not for more than one night, anyway).

  13. Norma says:

    The ghost won’t be very friendly, I believe. 😉 I’ll stay away from the hotel but I hope you have a blasting weekend Millie. 🙂

  14. I of July says:

    if all goes to plan I might start reading ”Shadow” this weekend… I’m excited. Hope you have a good one… oh another good piece of writing as always, that’s what I wanted to comment on 🙂 loving the dialogues. so precise with it.

    • milliethom says:

      Heath, I’ve just read your lovely comment. I’m really flattered that you have got my book in the first place and just hope you enjoy, at least, some things about it, if not all. Thank you, Heath. And thank you for liking my post. 🙂

  15. married2arod says:

    I like how the husband is really excited about this new prospect. What are Punters? And the funny thing is when you said batman’s butler, the first thing that popped into my head was a butler dressed like batman lol. Otherwise I liked the opening too.

    • milliethom says:

      Ah, punters is a word used to describe for customers – often gullible ones, but not always. I was thinking of Batman’s butler in the recent films, played by Michael Cane. Your image of a butler in Batman’s clothes is hilarious – but most butlers were stiff, starchy , unsmiling individuals. Thanks for commenting, Vanessa. 🙂

  16. Creatopath says:

    Funny that Carson is not even bothered about the dead butler on the roof glaring down at them. Really enjoyed your story Millie.

    • milliethom says:

      Perhaps Carson will change his mind, once he moves in. Or maybe the old butler would like to take part in the ghostly weekends. Thank you for the nice comment, Rachel. 🙂

  17. luckyjc007 says:

    I really enjoyed this. Love the humor and if your looking for some excitement in your life, this is the place to go!

    • milliethom says:

      Thank you, Jessie! I greatly appreciate your nice comment. You’re probably right about the hotel. I think a lot of people like these ghostly weekend things! 🙂

  18. Hi Millie! I just wanted to stop by and thank you for participating in these challenges. I sure hope you will continue! I love reading your stories. 🙂 PJ

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