This is the third week of Priceless Joy’s challenge, Flash Fiction for for Aspiring Writers. The challenge asks us to write a piece of fiction from the photo prompt provided in around 100- 150 words. It encourages participants to comment, constructively, on other entries, so supporting each other’s writing. If you’d like to join in with this challenge, follow the link in the title of PJ’s, blog: Beautiful Words. The challenge runs from Wednesday to Wednesday every week.
Here is this week’s photo . . .
and this is my story . . .
The November evening was darkening rapidly as Mary traipsed along the woodland path, weary after hours of cleaning his Lordship’s house. Eerie shadows patterned her way, cast by the rising moon. She knew she had nothing to fear; she’d walked this way home since leaving school last year …
Yet tonight, something caused Mary’s skin to prickle: a snapping twig, perhaps? She pulled her shawl close about her shoulders, the evening chill adding to her unease. Her skirts swept the leaf-strewn path, rustling and crackling beneath her quickened tread.
Large, strong hands suddenly grabbed her, one clamping over her mouth to stifle her screams as she was hustled towards the trees.
Her assailant buried his face in her neck, his amused chuckle unmistakable.
‘Got yer there, dint ah girl?’
Mary turned and clung to Daniel, his silly prank forgiven. Her beloved brother had returned safely from the Great War.
Word Count: 149
If you’d like to view other entries, click here.
44 thoughts on “Moonlit Walk – Flash Fiction For Aspiring Writers”
A very sweet story Millie. I was expecting the opposite, so it was a great ending. Love it!
Aww! Love the ending! ❤
Thank you, Glaiza. I’m glad you liked the ending. Hope everything is well with you. 🙂
That ending was a brilliant turn around, The story generated unease in the reader right up to that point. Well written Millie 🙂
That’s a lovely comment, thank you, John. I was hoping to generate suspense/unease, so if you thought it did, I’m very pleased. 🙂
Phew, nice turn-around! It would have to be something big, like returning from war, to make her forgive him for that shock.
Definitely. I’d probably have killed my brother if he’d done that to me! 🙂
Great take on the prompt, well written and full of suspense with an ending that made me sigh with relief, nicely done, Millie 🙂
Thank you, Cat. I’m glad you liked it. I know it was a rotten trick – the poor girl could have died of fright! Haha. 🙂
I would have, just after I clumped him 🙂
Thanks, Gifford. Your nice comment is much appreciated. 🙂
OH a period piece. I love when there’s a new take on the prompt especially when everyone’s go-to is contemporary. I liked the set up and the atmosphere you created. I think you need a dialogue tag for her brother, it seemed abrupt for him to be named without an introduction. But overall a nice job!
Thank you for liking the story. I love historical fiction so I always head in that direction if the prompt gives me leeway. I’ll have a think about a dialogue tag, so thanks for your view on that. 🙂
I feared the ending would be terrifying but was just the opposite – sweet. 🙂
As I often do, I only changed the ending last minute, Norma. I had intended to make it a gruesome end, but I just felt sorry for Mary! Yes … I’m soppy, I know. 🙂
Kept my on the front of my seat when the twig snapped and hand went around Mary. Phew glad it was only her brother. Very well written.
Yes, so am I! But it was a very mean trick to play on the poor girl. Thank you, Scrapydo. 🙂
Glad it was a cute little story! ❤ I would be so freak out if my brother did the same 😛 Millie, you are truly creative!!! 😉
Brothers can be horrible to their sisters at times. Mine was younger than me and I was the bossy boots! But I agree, the way Daniel scared poor Mary half to death deserved a good clip round the ear. Thank you for liking it, Khloe. 🙂
Oh, you had me on the edge there. Makes the ending all the sweeter. Lovely story 🙂
Thanks, Sonya. Hope all’s going well with your writing. You seem to be doing a lot of the challenges now. They’re very addictive, aren’t they? 🙂
Yes, they are so addictive… I sometimes think I enjoy them a bit too much and that I should concentrate on editing the novel. But I’m having so much fun with the flash fiction 🙂
Ditto. I’m supposed to be spending all my time on Book 3 of my trilogy! I’ll definitely be cutting down on WP posts soon. Hope your editing goes well. 🙂
I really liked this one! Thanks for sharing ☺
Hi Scribbley. Glad you liked it -I enjoyed writing it. 🙂
Be pleased, because you evoked a great sense of unease. Each word, each sentence hooked me deeper. I loved it! I would’ve smacked my sibling while simultaneously feeling overjoyed by his presence lol
Thank you Izzy! That’s a really nice comment. There seeme to be a few of us who would have given our siblings a good smack! 🙂
Millie! I love your blog and your involvement with TMU. I think you’d be a great addition to our team (although I feel that you already are on our team 🙂 ). Do you have a private way to talk to you about this if you are interested?
Hi Felicia. Thank you for liking my blog! I’m not sure what would be involved in becoming part of TMU. If you’d like to contact me to tell me a little more, here is my email address:
I have to say though, that I’m very pushed for time. I’m writing my third book and doing blog posts etc. Anyway, I’d be happy to talk about it, so feel free to get in touch. 🙂
No pressure! I’ll email you soon if you are interested 🙂
I just need to find out what’s involved first, Felicia, so please do email me with a little info. I am interested, but just worried that I might not have the time to do anything justice. I’ll look forward to hearing from you, though. If that email address looks odd, it’s because it’s underlined. (It’s also in the side bar on my blog.) Thank you for thinking of me for this, anyway.
I could never write fiction as good as this….. but I do so enjoy reading it. Another fantastic post.
Thank you for liking my story, Amanda. Having just read your wonderful poem I know your writing is excellent.
Ah, you are so sweet, but it was just some erratic jottings! But, Thank you!
For erratic jottings, they were excellent – very evocative. Lovely to read. 🙂
Wow I was not expecting the story to end like that. Very nicely written and such a sweet ending 🙂
Thank you Irod for that lovely comment. I’m glad you liked the ending. 🙂
spot on… thought it was going to turn nightmarish there for a sec 🙂
It almost did, Heath. That’s what I set out to do. But, right at the end, I thought I’d be nice. 🙂
I was on the edge of my seat, fearful for Mary. I thought it was going to end badly. Liked the twist at the end. Well written.
Thank you for the lovely comment. I almost did make it end badly for her but changed my mind at the last minute. I thought it would work better if i lightened it up a little. So, I’m definitely glad you liked the ending. 🙂
I learn how to improve my writing so much from reading yours. That ending…!!! 😀
I’m pleased you liked it Ashley. I’m sure your creative writing would be excellent. The quality of writing on your posts more that supports that. 🙂