Due to family circumstances I’m a couple of days late with this week’s Mondays Finish the Story. This is a flash fiction writing challenge involving writing a story of 100-150 words from the photo and first line prompt kindly provided by the host, Barbara Beacham.
If you fancy having a go at this yourself, just click on the link above and get typing! Instructions about how to post your story are on the page.
Here is this week’s photo . . .
and this is my story, including the first sentence prompt:
Diamond Jack had his hideout next to the Rattle Snake River.
‘He’s holed up in that thar’ shack,’ Billy murmured to his brother as they unstrapped the Winchesters from their saddle packs. ‘Almost a month, ol’ Jesse reckons.’
Casey swept his brow with his sleeve, squinting into the blazing sun. ‘Way I see it, we go in and get the varmint now. He’s taken two good men down already – two too many, I say.’
They crept towards the old prospector’s shack. It made an ideal hideout: good hunting in the scrubland and a ready water supply. Billy checked his rifle. ‘We shoot on sight. If Jack’s as wily as we’re told, he’ll be a waitin’ fer us. And we ain’t taking no chances.’
Casey frowned. ‘So why’d Jesse call the varmint Jack?’
‘Reminded him of his Pa, I guess. Real big guy, he said, fast as lightning and a killer bite.
Biggest Diamondback Rattler he’d ever seen.’
Word Count: 147
Other entries can be read here.
46 thoughts on “Holed Up – Mondays Finish the Story”
Nicely done Millie! Thank you for participating again, and I hope to see you back next week! I hope all is well at home! Be well… ^..^
Thank you Barbara. I was in the middle of editing my story when you commented earlier. I’d only forgotten the sentence prompt! So sorry for the delayed reply.
No problem! Enjoyed your story! 🙂
Retribution for a snake 🙂
Thanks Alexander. Poor old Jack, I think.
you’ll have a collection of flash fiction soon 🙂 another good one
Thank you, Heath. Yes, my FF pieces are building up. I really need to get my blog organised into different pages . . . some time! 🙂
This was a fun one, Millie.. I like the idea that this little snake could create such a fuss!
I’m afraid I felt sorry for the snake. From what I’ve read, rattlesnakes only attack when threatened or cornered. Thank you for your nice words, John.
I don’t think I’d like to be Jack! Hope all’s well with you and your family ☺
Hi Scribbley. No, my sympathy’s with Jack, too. He’d be no problem to anyone just left alone. We’re all OK here. I’m just really behind with everything on WP after having three days away at a funeral over the weekend. Thank you for asking! Hope all is going well with work and your writing. You fit so many things into your days. Take care to rest! 🙂
I’m sorry to hear about your loss. I hope you’re doing okay ☺
I had my last mock today so I’m resting for the next while! Looking forward to getting a chance to write more
That sounds great. I hope the results are good when you get them. I know it’s just the mocks, but it’s always good to know you’re heading in the right direction for the real thing. Rest and write sounds good. 🙂
Nice, succinct story with lots of flavor, Millie. You’ve got the Old West lingo and imagery down. Hope doing this challenge didn’t pull you away from your novel for too long. 🙂
Thank you for liking my first-ever attempt at cowboy style anything, Mara! My only experience of the lingo is from watching old Westerns. Thank goodness for John Wayne! As for my novel . . . I’ll get gack to it soon.
I’ve got too many followers from the UK to try my “over the pond” accents. The closest I’ve come is to include a “shite” in one of my novels. 🙂 Hummm. Maybe I need a trip to UK to do some research for my soon-to-be-published-novel-maybe…that could be a tax write-off I think. 😉
Shite is such a descriptive word, Mara! I bet you’ve used it beautifully. I’m sure I could find you several more colourful ones. Ha. You’re right, though. There are so many regional dialects here. I’m a ‘Northerner’, so I’d probably struggle to get the Cockney rhyming slang right. And I wouldn’t even attempt a Geordie dialect without prior tuition!
Poor Jack! He only wants to be left alone, I’m sure the two who died disturbed him. Maybe he’ll slither out of a dark corner and get the drop on these two.
I love your Wild West lingo!
I hope Jack gets away, too. I agree, he’d be no harm to anyone just left alone. It’s my first ever attempt at the Wild West lingo, so please make allowances for inexperience! Thank you for your kind comment, Ali.
You are leaving us in suspense. Surprise for poor Jack too. Your description of Pa and Jack looking alike is very clear. I enjoyed your writing
Thanks, scrapydotwo. If I were to write the sequel, Jack would definitely slither away unharmed. 🙂
Good on you.
Oooh, I enjoyed this. Great way to play with the reader’s expectations! And yes, I’m rooting for Jack, too…
Thank you Sonya. I’m really bad at killing things off. I couldn’t kill the wolf last week! A big softy, that’s me. Glad you like it!
This is wonderful! “Casey frowned,” I love what you did there.
Thank you for that lovely comment. I’m so glad you liked it. 🙂
Thank you for that kind comment and for liking my story! 🙂
I love that you made Diamond Jack a snake! It brought a lot of humor and interest to the story. Also, I’m sorry for your loss–I saw your earlier comment on this post.
Thank you for both your lovely comments about my story and your kind words about my loss. It was my 89 year old uncle who died. he was a lovely old man, but had been quite frail for some time. Anyway, it was very thoughtful of you tocomment on it. 🙂
Thank you for both your lovely comments about my story and your kind words about my loss. It was my 89 year old uncle who died. he was a lovely old man, but had been quite frail for some time. Anyway, it was very thoughtful of you to comment on it. 🙂
Wonderful! You had me gripped in suspense right to where I discovered DJ was a huge rattler ~ Hopefully he will live on to hiss another day ~ 🙂
Thank you, John. I did wonder whether the rattle snake idea would be pushing the prompt a bit much, but it seems to have been OK. Lovely comment. 🙂
Poor Jack I think they will go from varmint to vermin issues when the rats applaud the result of the hunt.
Thanks Bjorn. I love that Old West word, varmint. And I think you’re right about the rats! 🙂
This is my favorite twist so far. Wonderful!
What a really lovely comment, PJ! you’ve just made my day. Thank you so much! 🙂
A clever twist, Millie. I think it would be more powerful if “Biggest Diamondback Rattler he’d ever seen” was written as “Biggest diamondback rattler he’d ever seen”, as this would add more emphasis to it being a snake and not a person. What do you think?
The twist was really well done for me because, with the reference to Jesse’s Pa, I thought Jesse might have set them up to shoot his father! The snake took me by surprise.
I was waiting for someone to make Jack a snake! Thanks for not disappointing me.
I really expected at least a few others to pick up on the name of the snake and was quite surprised to find that no one had. I’m glad you weren’t totally disappointed in the endThank you for commenting, Ted. 🙂
Another good one! 🙂
Thank you for liking it, Heena! 🙂
Very creative Millie. I like the comparison to his Pa. Makes you wonder what else is going on in his life…..
I agree, Tony. I think Pa must have been one mean critter! Haha. Casey certainly didn’t like him! Thank you for liking my story. 🙂
Awesome passage of writing. Thanks for the laugh when I read the final line. I so enjoy your writing and your ‘one liner’ revelations.
Thank you, Amanda! It was fun trying out my best / first-ever Cowboy accent!